I'm A Contract Killer
by Chipolata
Summary: *One Shot* Bulma's forced Piccolo into something he doesn't like. He's going to have to put up with it... or is he? Can he escape with his dignity?


I'm A Contract Killer.  
by Chipolata  
  
Chip don't own DBZ or any of Jeff Lew's stuff.  
  
Jeff Lew! A great 3D animator. Check out his stuff, it's brilliant!  
  
! - ! - ! - ! - !  
  
Piccolo sat down at the table. He was not one happy camper. Bulma had forced him to come along to her presentation, Kami knows why. Unfortunately, Kami wasn't talking, so Piccolo couldn't sneak out of it.  
  
Soon the crowds filed in, sitting down. Piccolo was grateful that most people took one look at him and decided to sit as far away as they could. He couldn't stand having to make conversation.  
  
Then, without warning, some guy decided to sit at the same table as Piccolo. He obviously had taken no notice of Piccolo's 'Go-Away-Or-Die' Glare or his fangs, and pulled up a chair.  
  
"Hi, my name's Jeff, what's yours?"  
  
Piccolo ignored him.  
  
Well, Jeff wasn't born yesterday. And he wanted to know the green guy's name. So, he read his name tag.  
  
"Piccolo, is it? Interesting name."  
  
Piccolo hmph-ed and continued to ignore him.  
  
"Why did you come to see Mrs Breifs presentation on space flight technology?" Jeff asked.  
  
No reply.  
  
"I'm a teacher at Clearhaven Uni. Biology, actually. The physics prof asked me to come, Capsule Corp promised an alien today. Ha! As if there were such things."  
  
This time, Piccolo didn't remain silent on purpose. He'd suddenly found out why Bulma had invited him along.  
  
"So what do you do for a living?"  
  
Piccolo carefully weighed his response, before turning his head ever so slightly towards Jeff and saying,  
  
"I'm a repairman. I get rid of problems."  
  
Jeff nodded, not sure how that linked to Aerospace Engineering.  
  
"Uh, what kind of problems do you get rid of?" He asked.  
  
Piccolo turned to the man, leaned in real close, looked straight into his eyes and said in a hushed voice:  
  
"I'm a contract killer. I get rid of people."  
  
Jeff paled.  
  
"Uh, okay..." he stuttered, edging his chair away from the enormous Namek.  
  
Bulma tapped on the microphone to get attention.  
  
"Okay, it looks like we're all here! I guess I'll begin."  
  
Bulma talked for an hour about faster-than-light warp coils, matter-antimatter reaction chambers and other habitable distant planets. She also showed them the plans for the gravity chambers.  
  
"And that concludes my presentation. I'll now take questions."  
  
Somebody spoke up from the crowd. "Where's this alien?"  
  
Bulma took a quick, nervous glance at Piccolo, which he noticed.  
  
"Uh, just a little later. Are there any other questions?"  
  
Nope.  
  
"So, you... only came to see the alien?" Bulma asked of the crowd.  
  
Yes, it seems so.  
  
"Piccolo, would you stand up please?"  
  
Piccolo gave her an 'I'll-Do-Nothing-Of-The-Sort' glare. Then he realised the entire room was staring at him. Well, except Jeff, who was avoiding all eye contact with the green man incase he decided to... well, do his job. Jeff had a wife and two kids to think about.  
  
"He's not an alien." Someone called from the back.  
  
"Yeah, he's just some guy in a costume." Another yelled.  
  
Bulma decided that this was a good time to try out those telepathic techniques Vegeta had been teaching her.  
  
'Uh, Piccolo? Please, they're gonna think I'm some kind of fool! It'll ruin me! Just stand up! .... Can you hear me?'  
  
'Yes. You could have told me why I was here.' Piccolo was angry.  
  
'Sorry, I didn't think you'd agree.'  
  
'Hmph.' Piccolo terminated his thought-connection and refused further messages from Bulma.  
  
But things were going in Bulma's favour. The comments on Piccolo's appearance were turning nasty.  
  
Then, one guy had done it. He'd commented on one of Piccolo's sore spots, and not only that, but it was simply untrue. Piccolo got up and marched over to the guy, picking him up by the collar and holding him three feet from the ground. This earned a few gasps of horror.  
  
"Don't you ever say that about me again." He growled, holding the guy right up to his face and snarling in it.  
  
"Yuh-yuh-yuh-you're really an an an alien!!" The guy gasped.  
  
"Nuh, I'm bigfoot!" Piccolo rolled his eyes, and dropped the guy.  
  
He headed for the door. He'd had enough socializing for one day.  
  
When he got to the door he paused, turned around and yelled, "See ya, Jeff!" before leaving and slaming the door behind him.  
  
[THE NEXT DAY....]  
  
... at Capsule Corp, Piccolo turned up to spar with Vegeta. Bulma greeted him at the door.  
  
"So, I guess I messed up your presentation yesterday, huh?" Piccolo asked after greeting her.  
  
"Are you kidding?" Bulma screeched. "I couldn't have planned it better myself! Every single person in that room called up and offered me funding, and that's just the first hour! Word of Capsule Corp's intergalactic relations is spreading like wildfire, and it's the best publicity we've ever had!"  
  
Piccolo could only smile as he entered the Gravity Room.  
  
"Oh, and Piccolo?" Bulma called from the end of the hallway.  
  
Piccolo poked his head back around the doorway.  
  
"I have a meeting with Capsule Corp's shareholders later today. Would you mind joining me?"  
  
"Um...."  
  
"And at next week's board of management meeting?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"And let's not forget our monthly press conference Thursday week!"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Thanks Piccolo!" Bulma winked and walked off.  
  
Piccolo sweatdropped.  
  
'Maybe I should consider that contract-killer thing. I wonder if any of Bulma's enemies are getting desperate?' 


End file.
